Last week I got the type of call no one wants to get. I learned a friend and colleague, who was in the prime of life, had taken his own life. It’s was one of those sobering moments that can wake us up to consider how fragile life is.
I don’t know the details of why a smart, funny, and successful man would end his life. But it moved me to think about how thankful I am for counselors and mental health professionals. They help troubled individuals out of bad spots all the time that we never hear about. Unfortunately, my friend slipped though the safety net.
As I reflect on my career in finance, I’ve seen plenty of sorrow. While most of my customers flourished, I also saw many failures and even suicidal behavior—a direct result of bad decisions with money.
I was only twenty-two years old when I had my first shocking experience with the power of money to cause a life to self-destruct. I was working in my first professional job as a National Bank examiner. A teller’s cash drawer was missing money and she was sent home.
Around lunch time, the bank president realized his truck was missing. The teller had stolen his truck, driven for several hours before stopping and attempting to end her life. Fortunately, she was not successful.
But the experience made a big impression on me that money is a double-edged sword in our lives with the power to help fulfill our aspirations as well as destroy. In time, I learned three critical lessons about money and life.
Financial First Responder is a term I give those willing to help others struggling with their finances. We know that depression can occur in those suffering from too much consumer debt. If not addressed, serious consequences often result.
In those situations, there are time tested methods to give people hope by setting small manageable goals. It doesn’t take an MBA to help those with too much credit card debt. Just like we learn first aid to assist others with a medical need when a doctor is not around, anyone can learn some basics to help financially stressed people who can’t afford professional help.
I’ve trained people to use material from organizations like Crown Financial to lay out a series of small steps that can be used to gain financial peace of mind.
The first step might be to find a way to save $500. It is something almost anyone can accomplish, but gives confidence to move on to the next step of reducing debt. Crown’s money map is a brilliant formulation of baby steps to give those in deep debt hope that there is a way out. There are other similar programs, but the key is to have a plan ready to assist.
Redefining failure to be a virtue is another step in addressing mental health issues that arise in finances. One of the reasons our economy has been a success is our acceptance of failure. For much of human history, debtors who couldn’t pay their loans went to prison. In America, we made bankruptcy relatively easy to discharge debts and start over.
You might think, as a banker, I would prefer the harsh debtors prison method. But actually, there is real value to society, as well as the individual, to allow bankruptcy to be less severe.
In short, if bankrupt entrepreneurs are excessively punished for failure, they may give up potentially high-return but high-risk opportunities. Think Henry Ford who had two companies go bankrupt before succeeding. Or, Walt Disney who was fired by an editor because he had no imagination. And Mark Cuban who failed as a waiter, carpenter and cook before finding success.
High tech firms like Amazon believe if they aren’t trying and failing with new ideas, they are not maximizing shareholders long term value. The list of failed ventures Amazon has closed down is remarkable. Here are a few along with the estimated losses: Amazon Fire smartphone lost $170 million before being shuttered, Kozmo.com was a $60 million dollar write-off. There are many more.
Jeff Bezos has a high view of the value of failure, “I believe we are the best place in the world to fail (we have plenty of practice!), and failure and invention are inseparable twins.”
We need to remember that there shouldn’t be shame in failure, but there might be regret in being too fearful to try new initiatives.
Finally, remember the limits of money and the value of life. I didn’t always get this perspective right. I became a bank CEO in my mid-thirties. I was driven to achieve great numbers. When something, or someone, got in the way of that objective, I could lose perspective.
Fortunately, I had a bank attorney named George who was literally a war hero. Flying multiple missions over Germany in World War II, he had the perspective to distinguish between what was really important from what was a temporary problem.
One poignant memory I have is of the day my bank discovered a customer had made a bad decision to sell encumbered assets without paying a bank loan off. And worse, he lied to the bank that he still had the collateral. A meeting was arranged with my lawyer, George, and me and the customer and his lawyer.
As the meeting began, the customer began to talk. He was completely broken. In tears, he shamefully admitted his deception. He was looking at financial ruin. Possible criminal charges. But I was mad and less than sympathetic. Fortunately, George took over the meeting.
Rather than beat the guy up, George sensed the man was suicidal. George actually comforted him with assurance that he could get through this situation. I remember George telling him, “You know in a few years no one will even remember this happened. We have to get through this, but you will have a life once it’s over.”
I’ve probably heard a lot of sermons where a preacher taught the Christian virtue of loving those who take advantage of us unfairly. But George taught me that lesson that day more effectively than any preacher could. And over time this customer found redemption and went on to live a productive life.
Over the years I had to deal with many problems my employees or customers caused because of bad decisions with money. However, I never forgot that lesson I learned from George. I found I was always able to show a little more humanity in dealing with financial problems.
Joe Kesler
A thought provoking post Joe. It is easy to place too high a value on money or assets. If you believe like I do that there is an afterlife (and you can’t take it with you), money and assets are just tools for use or to be shared with others. It is unfortunate that suicide is viewed as a solution to financial problems when our society has made financial second chances or do-overs so readily available. Like many other lessons we learn in life, the financial ones are hard but not impossible to bounce back from. Thanks for the links to Crown Financial. They are a great organization for anyone learning about finances, especially those recovering from a personal financial disaster or those wanting a good education on how to budget. Lack of failure truly should be viewed as missing out on opportunity.
Thanks Brian. I agree with you on Crown being a great organization. Larry Burkett touched a lot of us with his practical wisdom that was rooted in solid financial theory and biblical wisdom.
Great perspective. There is always hope, though the light at the end of the tunnel sometimes looks ike a train approaching. George was wise and experienced. I learned, in counseling, to first give hope. And, like Crown suggests, accomplish small goals and reward yourself for the accomplishment. Never be afraid to seek help.
For every man over 50 who has had hopelessness, despair, or worthlessness, listen up. It’s usually body chemistry, not some character flaw. Yes, chemicals make feelings and feelings make thoughts. Take one small, simple action that has saved several of my buds — Get your blood chemistry checked, especially *hormones*. If they’re low, human males can’t think straight, have low morale, and no energy. Like a pickup truck with water in the gas tank.
Don’t let your doc (or lack of one) or medical insurance (or lack of it) be any impediment. You can order these tests yourself, go to a lab for a blood draw, then get results directly back to your email with proper ranges shown. If low, take those test results to a doc, put yourself under care but don’t take no for an answer. The doc will give you a script for replacement hormones for what the body needs and isn’t making enough of. Sources for these tests include Quest, Labcorp, or requestatest.com. Blood Sugar, Thyroid, and testosterone.
If this is the problem, your outlook on life, IQ, morale, and energy will completely transform for the better. You will be a happy person again, able to tackle problems and remember phone numbers and songs.