I hit the “Pay Now” button this week on what I believe will be the last of 20-years of paying college tuition bills! Whew! Five kids, four years of college each, and the satisfaction of seeing them all successfully launched without student loan debt. Open the champagne!
Was it worth it? Not just paying the tuition bills, but the decision to have children in the first place?
It’s a relevant question. A birth dearth is hitting the US and other countries around the world as many are deciding to go childless. Today, a majority of people live in countries with fertility well below replacement rates.
Business publications like Barron’s are concerned. They ran a headline this week: “Population Growth is Slowing. Why That’s a Problem for the U.S. Economy”
So, as I celebrate the “no more tuition” milestone, I thought it might be helpful to review the case for children from a Smart Money with Purpose perspective.
It’s a complex topic and I don’t mean to imply that I know what someone else’s decision should be. Everyone’s situation is unique and shouldn’t be judged by anyone else. Certainly not by me.
However, the cultural forces in play against having children need to be tempered by those of us with stories that challenge the current dominant narrative. I hope this might be a helpful contribution to the conversation.
Attitudes toward children in the 80’s and 90’s
Looking back, I saw some gentle societal pressure in the 1980’s and 1990’s to only have one or two kids, instead of five. If I had a nickel for every time someone asked me, “Don’t you know what causes those kids?” I’d be a rich man.
That unsolicited advice, usually given with a smile, didn’t bother me. I’m hard headed and things roll off me. But it clearly reflected a worldview that the day of having large families was over. I think I know some of the reasons for that attitude.
If your desire is to live a quiet and peaceful life, above all other considerations, having children may not be a good idea. Kids are messy and bring chaos into life.
My wife still has nightmares of taking our young kids to the grocery store. One day one of them turned over the cart just as the Chairman of the board of the bank I worked for rounded the corner. The screaming kids and flying groceries were hard to explain to the distinguished Chairman.
Or, my “favorite” memory was answering the door of our house only to come face to face with our upset neighbor. He happened to be a prominent doctor in the community, complaining about my kids shooting the deer in the back yard from our second story bedroom windows.
“Thank you, Dr. Smith, for letting me know. I’ll take care of it.” Ugh.
But probably the greatest reason the US no longer has a fertility rate necessary to maintain a stable population is related to financial concerns. I get that. Having a child is at least an 18-year commitment with potential costs well beyond for college.
The USDA estimates the cost of getting a child to age 18 to be around $230,000. I think that number is ridiculously high if you’re willing to yard sale and live frugally like my wife and I did, but it’s still daunting when you may be just getting started yourself.
The Case for Children
I went back and looked at our financial records this week and found that when our first child was born, we had a paltry net worth of $12,000. I also had a meager salary as internal auditor of a small community bank and my wife made a few dollars selling Tupperware. We weren’t starving, but we also weren’t thriving.
So, what motivated us to step out in faith and believe that we could support a family? I’m a conservative banker and my tribe doesn’t believe “faith” is a business plan when approving loans. As I look back, I see several reasons we made the leap even if it didn’t look good on a spreadsheet.
First, you have probably heard how important it is to believe in something bigger than yourself. My wife and I wanted to change the world. We had a firm belief that our opportunity to change the world might be through children. Pouring ourselves into them and praying that God would use them was our way to change the world.
Today, by God’s grace, we have two entrepreneurs, one banker, one IT guy and a social worker. In addition, we’ve got two health care workers and an oil man now in the family through marriage. The world is a better place because of their service to others and we can in some ways say mission accomplished.
But I’m a finance guy, so I can’t help but estimate the financial return on investment. What if we assume my five kids average $100,000 a year in earnings over a 40-year career. What kind of impact could that have?
We tried hard to instill values of generosity. Assuming they give 10% of their income at those levels, they will have contributed $2,000,000 to charities over their careers. Social security and Medicare contributions at current rates would be $3,040,000. State and Federal taxes I would estimate at $4,000,000. A decent return on investment!
But even if our kids average the median household income of around $70,000, or something less than that, they will still have the potential to give charitable donations that make a difference, pay significant taxes to support our society and make purchases that create and maintain jobs.
Second, it’s true that we would have struggled having five children if I had stayed in my internal auditor job. But having children matures us. I knew the financial challenges of having children suddenly meant I had to approach my career with a new fervency. I would need to make more money.
As we waited for the birth of our first son, I studied hard preparing for the CPA exam. Next was an MBA program while working. That led to some nice raises and promotions.
It’s fair to say, adding the financial responsibility of children made me a serious career climber because I was motivated by my family. Research shows my experience is similar to how marriage and having children causes a lot of boys to become men.
Third, I am a selfish person by nature. However, having children squeezed a lot of that ugly selfishness out of me by necessity. Children don’t naturally give you praise and thanks for being a wonderful dad for many years. Selfless service to family prepared me for selfless service at work and in other organizations that I would never have done without the training that comes from serving children.
Fourth, happiness researchers say children do not necessarily make people happier at first. I was never happy changing diapers for example! But, the ultimate satisfaction of a purposeful life devoted to family trumps any temporary happiness we give up.
And finally, at my stage of life, becoming a grandparent is the ultimate joy as I give up the rewards of the 9 to 5 corporate job. The chance to see one’s children’s children is a peak moment of life as almost any grandparent will affirm.
So yes, it was worth having five children. A burden at times for sure. Painful having to give up my selfishness? Certainly. But the ultimate joy at seeing how the world can be changed, by God’s grace, through our flailing efforts to be good parents is well worth giving up some time and tuition money!
If you have a similar story of your journey in having children, I would love to hear it!
Joe Kesler
Great encouragement, Joe! Ben Watson talks about how children are arrows we shoot into the world, influencing creation for Christ’s purpose. And congrats on the last payment; I know we felt great to pay the last of my student loans a couple of years ago.
Thanks Jill! I love that metaphor of arrows shot into the world. That captures it!
Those deers deserved it! They were trespassing!
HaHa! You crack me up.
Joe,
We limited ourselves to two kids and they did graduate from college with some easily manageable student debts relative to their incomes. It was cheap debt and we were ready to help them with them if they’d needed it. Their prompt and early repayments of their student debts helped them establish excellent FICO scores. While they were in college and grad school, poor, and working part time, we also funded Roth IRAs for them, and their wives, which have compounded handsomely. They are both in high tax brackets and appreciate the tax free compounding of the Roth IRAs. Plus you bankers would love to loan them money.
Thanks for the informative and excellent article from someone who has a different point of view than I have.
Dave Baese
Thanks Dave! It sounds like you and your wife did a fantastic job raising two productive kids. Congratulations and thanks for sharing what worked for you!
Two kids and a lot of sweat and emotional investment….
Was it worth it? You bet.
One serving his country in Special Forces (as is his spouse), and the other worked her way through a Masters to become an elementary school psychologist.
What I am most proud of is their focus on service to others. Both made career choices that are less financially lucrative, but matched up with their passion to make our world better and safer.
And yes, We have found more joy as a grandparent than any financial success or recognition in our careers.
As a side note, I totally respect those who have made the choice not to have children.
It is a life commitment that is not for everyone.
Well said Kirk! Congratulations on your success. Job well done. And I appreciate your side note. That was my hesitation in writing this post. I wanted to celebrate the joys of having kids to give those making these big decisions the insight from my experience, but without offending anyone who had good reasons for not going down the path you and I took. Thanks so much for sharing your experience!
Joe, I just visited with a 30 year-old today attending the Colson Fellows group I lead in St. Louis. He and his wife are working on child number five in six years. He very articulately describes the importance of having children and lots of them. He is also acutely aware of the cultural chaos that is going on today, yet realizes that he can still raise his children well. I cheered him on. Perhaps there is some hope for the future.
That is fantastic Kirk! If you want to do something about the drift the culture is taking today, other than complain about it, what more powerful thing can you do than have kids and invest in them? Programs like Colson are so wonderful in training folks like this young man. Thanks for your diligent work in encouraging the next generation!
What about the challenge of finding good babysitters for 5 kids? One might crack their head open and bleed a bit but I’m sure your kids were worth it😊 I enjoy your articles. Last week your mentioned a dog I believe. That reminded me of another funny story involving an aging schnauzer in your living room…….
P.S. I think I know Dave Baese
Oh my goodness! Yes, I could definitely do another post just on that subject and the blood that was spilt taking care of them! You certainly deserve some kudos for being a part of the story. And I think another chapter could be what a wonderful excuse it was to leave boring Chamber of Commerce meetings because I had to get home to relieve the babysitter. Thanks for the post! So good to hear from you!